Barker’s Barkings.

Ok, firstly, an apology.

That stomach bug really kicked my butt. I was down for three days.. so.. no updates, even when I’m trying to do a routine blog. Figures, the moment I try to blog on a routine basis I get a stomach bug/flu that grinds me away from my blog. Bah.

Okay, Time to make up for it.

Presenting… The random things that piss me off, and why.

First and foremost on this list:

Paris Hilton.
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She’s a celebrity. Why? Because she got caught caught in a Night Vision Goggle set that just happened to have a camera, that, just happened to leak to the net.

Okay, so that’s not a big deal, but bragging that you’ve slept with that wench, or even being proud that you did? Then releasing the video the the poor unsuspecting public?..

Yes, she’s a Hilton heiress, or at least, she was, before Grampa Hilton decided that she could earn her money acting… Yeah, right… like that will happen.

Come on Paris, the best lime light you looked in was the night vision goggle light, and that’s only because you couldn’t tell it was you!
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Cracked.com
(They’re so bad, I’m not even going to link to their site! You can risk going there on your own.)

Cracked.com infuriates me to no end because they think they’re cute with articles that have been stolen from other parody sources, like Worth 1000, and The Onion. They think their writing is also 100% fresh, when in actuality it’s worse than the New York landfill. Granted, my writing may not be very good, but I don’t take pride and rub it in, and expect thousands upon millions of people to read it and think its amusing. If my writing reaches three people in an average night, I’m happy, if one in those three finds it amusing, great.. that’s the way most of my humorous writing is to be intended.. amusing. If not, oh well..
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Religious people who push their religion on you, or unintententionally saying something that has something to do with their chosen religion.

I suppose this is the most Atheistic thing a guy who accepts all religion openly, yet doesn’t declare one as his own can say.

A bit of a back story before I get into this one.

One of my best friends mothers is a devout christian, she’s a wonderfully nice woman but… she’s Christian to the point where she fell off the religious tree and I’m worried she’ll choke it off from it’s Holy Water source. Why do I say this? Well, for one, she believes dinosaurs were *word for word quote here..* “Satan’s creatures before God took over the planet.”.. wait what? Yet when you take the time to point out Genesis 1:1 ( “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.” ), she gets a look like a constipated duck and waddles off and won’t reply to you as to why God created the dinosaurs. This isn’t the only thing.. I can’t say anything offensive about God, or the Christian religion as a whole when I’m around her, because if I do, I may never see my friend again. ( Yes, I’m dead serious about that! ) She’s also grounded her son from looking at women in bikini’s because she believes it’s “pornography”.

Okay, enough about her, on to what I mean by “unintentional religion pushing” is, you call my friends house, and you get the answering machine.. “Hi thank you for calling the -my friends last name-’s house, no one could make it to the phone right now, feel free to leave a message and we’ll return your call as soon as we get it..” great little message isn’t it? Then she says “God bless.” Okay, wtf? What if I’m an athiest (which I’m not.. I believe in a creator, but I’m not saying Jesus was the savior of human kind..), and I’m calling to talk to you.. granted it shouldn’t piss me off, but… I don’t think I should have to hear it. You know what I mean?
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Grocery stores who stop stocking things because they don’t make a profit.

I love random, rare things as you can see from the Kiwano blog entry , and occasionally I’ll find something I really truly love, like, for random example purposes, the Nestle Lion bar.

One week I’ll find enough on the shelf to drop them on a third world country and declare war, the next week, they’re obliterated like someone used them for the aforementioned idea. When trying to enlighten myself as why they’re gone by asking a manager, the usual response is “Because they didn’t sell”, well excuse my language but, no shit.. they’re in the foreign food section. The foreign food section doesn’t have much, so you’re just going to slowly diminish it even further because something doesn’t sell? Leave it out on the flipping shelf so people can see it, and if they are feeling like trying something new, they’ll grab it. That’s part of selling a product.. Bah I tell you.. Bah.
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People who talk in theaters or use their cell phones during a movie.

The 2005 movie by Joss Whedon, Serenity has a line that sums my feeling about this perfectly:

“There’s a special place in Hell reserved for child molesters and people who talk in theaters.”, I think the cell phone talkers get the place with the child molesters, but I couldn’t be sure.

Sometimes it gets so bad, (Like when I watched Transformers the night it came out with the aforementioned friend), that there’s a whole group doing this, and you just don’t want to get up because the movie just came out and you don’t want to miss a thing.. you wait until the movie is over, then you rush out of the theater, and speak to a manager. I’ve done this before and scored two free movie tickets. (The two movie tickets I got have no expiration date…so can you say two free airings of The Dark Knight for Andrew? ) But the fact still remains, if you’re going to a theater, sit down, enjoy the movie and most of all SHUT UP!

.. hm..

I’ll think of more later, but this should be enough to get a nice little comment discussion started.

-A.